$20

I am a $20 bill, stuck in a dark yet temperate place. All around I hear voices and noise, yet I cannot distinguish what the voices say or what the noises exactly are. I suddenly hear somebody asking for change and I m scared that my time has run out...suddenly I see a hand reaching for me...but wait, the hand took my cousin Bill, I'm safe...for now. I now lie here in a folded state, and I hear a door chime, footsteps tapping elegantly on the new tile floor when the rhythmic noise is broken by the cha-ching of the register....again I am in fear I will be stuffed into the register where all the wrinkled cousins of mine go....all of this is just one short evening... I start to say goodbye to all my friends and then I see Jerry taken! After about 3 more never-ending hours, I am safe on top the dresser for one more night.

MagicPhone Apps

If there was a magic smartphone, it would come with a few apps pre-installed. One would be the 'Anytime Anywhere' App. This app allows the user to go anywhere, anytime, circumstances do not matter. The second app the magic smartphone would come with is the 'Levi's Burger Palace' app. This app would allow the user to go to the website and choose any item and the food, preferably the "Artery Closer", and choose where the menu item would appear. The third and most fun app of all is the 'Red Button In A Clear Box' app. This last app is made to test the strengths of human will. On the box, a big yellow and black warning "DO NOT OPEN, AND MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT TOUCH THE RED BUTTON" is printed. However, many people do not read the terms and conditions which state the app may cause you to be forever rich, immortal, and the button may also cause an apocalypse. I know you are all so tempted at this point to buy the magic smartphone and test your luck, but do not. *Somewhere, in this very moment the red button has been tapped....*

The Artery Closer

Although there are many things on my menu, I believe there is one item that cannot be replicated, nor can I leave it out of the main spotlight...It is the Artery Closer Burger from Levi's Burger Palace. On this beautiful monstrosity there is a minimum of 5 1/4 pound patties.  We include a slice of cheese in between each patty, a bun in between every 3 patties, and we may even go as far as putting some nacho cheese on a few of the patties. This gorgeous burger will be sandwiched between 3 buns, with jalapenos hidden under the bun, resting in more nacho cheese sauce. This burger would not be a star without the most important step in production...the deep fryer. After your patties are grilled most the way through, we will put the cheese between the patties, and drop it in the deep fryer. This is crucial to the perfectly cooked outside, and the juicy, satisfying inside. The fryer achieves what a burger on a grill cannot, it melts the cheese to a bubbly consistency, and keeps the patties in place when we throw them into the bun. Although we offer lettuce, onion, pickle, and toppings; this burger is just plain bomb without it. (Disclaimer: Levi's Burger Palace is NOT responsible for any damage to your heart or overall health and quality of life.) (Disclaimer #2: This burger may not actually close your arteries, but if it does, you are held responsible to pay for all medical bills of your own.)